+ Something There {Quotes -- Adios Derek} +

Episode 3.12 "Adios Derek"

[Derek finds Casey in her room doing school-work]
Derek: Typical. I mean, would it kill you to not do so well?
Casey: Yes, why?
Derek: Because you are ruining the grading curve in this house! My lousy Spanish mark wouldn't have been such a big deal if you weren't here!
Casey: Oh, so it's my fault you're failing Spanish?
Derek: Yes. And thanks to you, my parents might be sending me to private school.
Casey: What?? That is so unfair!
Derek: I know!
Casey: When I wanted to go to private school, there wasn't money!

Casey: Try doing your own work for once.
Derek: Oh, now you're calling me lazy!
Casey: Actually, no. Because a lazy person wouldn't spend all night tying my laundry together to make a huge charm bracelet!
Derek: The trick is to double-knot the socks.
Casey: Stop wasting your time pranking me and do some work!
Derek: I'm sorry, did you say something? I was thinking about moving all your furniture into the backyard.

[Derek tries to study but hears Casey's voice in his head...]
Casey: Stop wasting your time pranking me and do some work!
[Derek hits his head]
Casey: Stop wasting your time working and start pranking me!
Derek: Good advice, Case.

[Casey is furious when she sees a copy of the school newspaper]
Derek: Oh, your poetry column came out. Let's see, ooh, "Stinky Feet, a Haiku by Casey McDonald. My feet are stinky. Foot spray deoderizes. Foul odor remains." Deep stuff, Case.
Casey: You're the one in deep stuff, Derek! I can't believe you did this!
[Derek turns and walks away, with Casey chasing after him]
Casey: Hey, hey, don't you dare walk away from me, mister! Of all the mean things you've done, this is by far the worst! Okay, at least in the top ten! Way worse than the time you replaced my shampoo with syrup! Or the time you put gum in every single pair of my shoes! Or the time you dipped my cell phone in pudding!
Derek: Mayonnaise, actually.

Abby: So instead of doing your Spanish assignment, you ruined Casey's poem?
Derek: Ruined it? That haiku is comedy gold! And hacking into Casey's computer took a lot of effort. And I couldn't help myself.
George: We know. Which is why we've decided you need to be some place where you won't be so...distracted.
Derek: No, you can't send me to private school! Look, I'll do better in Spanish, I'll leave Casey alone, in fact if you want, I'll never speak to her again.

Edwin: (to George) I still can't believe you're kicking Derek out of the country for messing up Casey's poem. Tough love.
Casey: I can't believe you're sending Derek to Spain for failing Spanish. So what, if I fail French you'll send me to France?
Lizzie: Where do you go if you fail gym?
George: Look, look, this is not a punishment or a trip, it's just a chance for Derek to focus on his studies without distractions.
Derek: Uh, yeah, focus, right. So, uh, how do you say "Hey baby," in Spanish?

[Derek looks at an English/Spanish translation book]
Derek: "Caliente" is hot, "chica" is girl -- it is like every word is different!

Derek: (about Marti) Still giving me the silent treatment. (to Casey) If only you'd follow her lead.
Casey: Good one Derek.
[Derek sees Casey folding some fabric on his chair]
Derek: What are you doing?
Casey: I'm recovering your chair while you're gone. But don't worry, I'll uncover it when you're back.

[Lizzie points out that Derek won't be able to watch his favorite TV shows in Spain]
Casey: But we'd be happy to tape stuff for you while you're gone.
Derek: You'd be happy...?

Derek: (to Marti) Mom told me you were upset about us going to Spain. And to be honest, I am too. I'm gonna miss you. And Lizzie and Edwin. And Nora and Dad. Maybe even Casey. But that's just between us, right?

[Marti's turn at Derek's roast]
Marti: I liked it when Derek put pickles all over Casey's pillow and called it "Dill Pillow"!
Derek: Marti speaks!

[Casey's turn at Derek's roast]
Casey: (to Edwin) Take a seat, comedy boy, because I have enough material to last for the next six months Derek will be gone.
Derek: Oh, no.
Casey: Oh, yes. But, um, seeing all of us here together makes me realize that as tough as living with Derek can be maybe -- maybe we will really miss him, and maybe I'm gonna -- (she starts tearing up)
Derek: (alarmed) Oh, no, no, no!
[The doorbell rings]
Derek: I'll get it!
[It's Abby]
Abby: Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.
Derek: Oh, no, no, you're just on time.

Derek: Mom, if I told you I didn't wanna go to Spain, what would you say?
Abby: Uh, well, I would say...why?
Derek: Well, someone's gotta make sure that Edwin doesn't get any weirder, and that Marti doesn't, you know, turn into a keener like Casey...
Abby: And you'll miss everybody.
Derek: I'm sorry, Mom.

[Everyone in the family celebrates that Derek isn't going to Spain after all, except Casey]
Casey: What? I said I'd miss him, I don't want him to stay! (she holds up the notebook) I got some major zingers in here, guys!
Edwin: Welcome home, bro.
Casey: Welcome home?? He never left!
Marti: And I'm glad he didn't!
Lizzie: Me too!
Casey: Hey, hey, there is no hugging at a roast! Only insults, and I've got some doozies!

[Derek gives Casey an envelope]
Derek: Here. I'd wait for you to open it, but I'm off to be tormented -- I mean, tutored -- by Senora Sanchez.
Casey: Wait, what is it?
Derek: It's an advance copy of the school paper. And my way of saying I'm sorry for messing up your poem.
[Casey reads it]
Casey: You had my real poem published? Thank you, Derek!
Derek: You're welcome. Oh, and I made my own little contribution to your poetry column.
Casey: You did? "Casey's Feet Reek, a Sequel to 'Stinky Feet' by Derek Venturi"??
Derek: What can I say? I'm a poet, and the world needs to know it.